guilt for 1

Today I met up with my friend R and her son G. I took only MV with me, and I felt guilty for leaving Ro home. G and MV are six weeks apart and easy to take out. Ro still needs bottles and to be fed. It was partial laziness, but partial trying to give MV some solo Mommy time. I gotta say, today was one of the best days I've had in awhile. It's no secret, I'm not the biggest fan of where I live. Quite frankly aside from my parents living close, I can't really find any upsides. I left all I know, my friends, things I like, places I like and quite frankly my world. It's not the same here, its so hot and humid and slow and country. I'm not a country girl, I like the city, I miss the fast pace. I abhor waiting more then 1 minute for anything. That part of me is never going to change, nor do I want it to. I miss my friends most of all, I miss seeing their kids grow up, I miss just having them around. Meeting up with them for coffee and letting the kids play. Instead I spend most of my free time here with my husband or my parents. I think its mainly because I don't want to replace my friends. That said going out with R makes me feel like I'm home. It's easy, we are so like-minded. We have so much in common and its just easy. We laugh hysterical and talk about all the same stuff. I'm so glad she's here or I think I'd have gone insane already.

MV and G went crazy today in the children's play area. G was climbing like he was 3. He has no fear. He was running around and just being sooooo cute. MV was more or less toddling around in her almost run in circles. She was overwhelmed by all the big kids and stuff. It was really cute to see how our first babies are becoming big kids. We already have a date set for next week to do it again! It's good for all of us!

Ro goes in the bouncer now, she is crazy in there. She loves it - she jumps so high and fast that she starts shrieking and screaming. It's so cute, she gets so excited. I'm working on trying to get her to sit up, but I'm not that with her big ole head <3

2nd child syndrome

After a great breakfast with MV and my friend A and her son C, I got the girls in for a nap and was able to....drum roll please...go shopping for 1 hour solo. I was absolutely stoked, it was not a quick run at midnight to Walmart or a quick trip to Publix after work, it was 1 hour of just me. Shopping with me, myself and I. That said, I bought a frying pan, shower caddy hanger and some clearance photo albums. While I was able to put together complete thoughts without my lovely little 2 under 2 weenuts, I thought about putting my hundreds of photos into albums. Considering MV is almost 2, I think its about time. So I grabbed my stacks of photos and to my absolute shock, I have approximately 9 million photos of MV and about 14 of Ro. What the heck, I mean I figured there would be a little more but this is out of this world more. I think I have 3 million of MV before she turned 3 months old. I was thinking, what did I used to do, feed her, set up a photo shoot, change her, set up another shoot, feed her again, set up another shoot.....I mean its absurd. I love MV to death, but NO ONE needs this many photos. It's insanity. Poor Ro too, I suppose I'll be one of those Moms that totally tells Ro "that's you" even when I know its MV. Yup, its my destiny at this point. There is no comparision. There is about 800 photos of MV's birth and 3 of Ro, all taken on an iPhone as I forgot the camera at a scheduled c-section. That's when I should've realized this was my destiny, not at the 6 month age mark. LOL

misfit bangs

So today (well ok everyday), I'm pondering what I can do next to my hair. Aside from having it grow ten inches, I'm at a loss. I'm thinking of feather extensions for fun, possibly highlights? maybe pink for breast cancer support, maybe purple to match my fav eyeshadow, maybe red to enhance my hair.....I think of at least ten ideas per day. Then I took a look at the girls, OMG - misfit bangs alert! They look disastrous, overgrown and uneven. Shameful because I cut hair for a living but realistic because trying to cut bangs on a 6 month old or a 20 month old is far from easy. MV rapidly shakes her head no while jumping around and squirming away from me, while Ro straight out flips her game! It's like playing russian roulette with 5 bullets instead of 1. At least that is how I feel. I start to panic at the thought of cutting their hair. The sweats kick in, I get all red and flushed and then I feverishly attack them with the shears. Trying my best to trim their bangs straight and make them look presentable while maintaining the integrity of their skin and eyes. Without fail, some jerking motion inevitably turns cute baby bangs into major misfit bangs!

Today the babies came to visit me at work while Daddy got a haircut. 3 lollipops and a meltdown later Daddy's haircut was done. MV needs constant attention in public places. Seriously 3 lollipops, endless compliments and a cup of milk later....she was still singing her "song"! Thank sweet J she is cute, or people would be begging me to leave. Speaking of which, she's maxing out the volume on her song right now instead of sleeping. I'm sorry but 8:57 is bedtime for a 20 month old in my book! So I will continue to enjoy her lovely song at a whopping 8 decibels until she falls asleep like a good little baby. Ro is pretty good in public places, she anxiously waits for someone to tell her how amazing she is. The child loves a good compliment. After work we took a stroll through the local grocery market. Is it me or do all Moms talk to their babies when shopping. I found myself conducting a 15 minute totally one-sided conversation with MV today. A lot of lets go get the potatoes, where are the potatoes hiding, do you see the potatoes....you get the drift. I wonder if people think I'm creepy or weird or if this is just normal behavior. MV's song is now turning into a cry, so I think I'll go check on her and do some Mommy consoling. AKA letting her get her way as per usual. <3

in rides the cavalry

So Ro got a shot yesterday, I cried. Although she was like a champ getting the shot, she's such a big girl. She got it at approximately 12 noon and until about 4pm she was a dream. Then a wave of disaster struck. The child lost it. She screamed for about 1 hour and 25 min. I wanted to bring her to a firehouse or hospital, one of those safe havens. I was convinced she was posessed by an evil force. Never in my life has I seen a child scream/cry/head spin with such fervor and for soooooooo long. She is a fussy screamer but for 10-20 min here and there. I honestly thought I was going to lose my mind, I was convinced I was suffering from a nervous breakdown at the 25 min mark. I thought about calling 911 to come get me. When she finally "passed out" I had to sit on the couch and decompress. It was insanity. That said she joyfully woke me this morning at 4:55am and I knew all was right in this world again.

MV has been a focus this week. She passed her hearing test with 100%, what a blessing. Then she was re-evaluated for her development. At 20 months she tested out cognitively as a 17 month old. I cried tears of joy for an hour. At 18 months, she was getting scores equivalent to a 9 month old. I'm overjoyed, she is catching up and doing amazing. MV does things at her own speed, and she's progressing soooooo well. Her developmental therapist told us there is nothing wrong with her and she's just stubborn! Well this morning she said "Dada" and there was a moment in our house which was just AWESOME. J & I looked at each other and welled up. We heard it and she repeated it all morning, so excited that she was calling her Dada by name! It was awesome!!!

Laugh of my day, Ro was screaming her normal "I'm not taking a nap" scream, and J took her inside to put her down for a nap and it was starting to get crazy. I made a bottle and brought it in, Ro is an eater - and eating makes her sleep. Fast forward ten min and J comes out and says - OMG you were like on a white horse with that bottle. it was like the calvary rode in just in the nick of time. He's so cute. I <3 him.

rockstars

We did it! We did it! We got out of the house and into Orlando on time today!!!! And there were no epic failures or major meltdowns!!!! It was fantastic. I feel like a new woman, I can take on the world! And MV has PERFECT hearing!!!! The planets have aligned......All is right in this house. We are rockstars and we will have to celebrate! I'm not sure how just yet, but I'll come up with something!!!!

Ok so this morning Ro got up at 5am to start the day. Needless to say, I was obviously thrilled and jumped out of bed......sense the heavy sarcasm. So like the excellent mother I am, I proceeded to replace the binky 250 times until it was 5:15am, I then brought her into my bed. I snuggled her to sleep until 6 then gave in. In my world, 6am is hours, an eternity, a horse of a different color from 5am. I can cope with 6, although I'm partial to 8. MV sleeps until 8am AT LEAST every morning. She is my sleeper. I didn't realize how lucky I was, I assumed most children sleep 12 hours a night. *NEWSFLASH* they don't. Ro sleeps when she feels like it. There is no routine with her. I try and try and its become a full time job. I'm a wife, mother, stylist and sleep nazi. That said, as my earlier posts note, no one pays me any mind here, so why would Ro. She stares me down, daring me to impose a bedtime. A little voice in her head is like try me Mommy, try me.

Yesterday we went to Walmart and for the first time EVER I left MV out of the cart to roam freely. At first she held my hand, GOD I love her. She was adorable just toddling about the aisles, then she spotted it. She took off in a run. Little chubby running...running....running and it was like the heavens opened and shined a light. OOOOOOOOOOOH......we were in the bakery section and MV was running to the cupcakes. In front of the cupcake display she was clapping and screaming cake. Her excitement was overwhelming. 100s of beautiful little cupcakes staring at us, waiting to be eaten. She immediately started to try to remove all of these beautiful little treats out of the packages. It was adorable and at that precise moment, I knew she was mine, she truly is MY daughter :)

I bought her a cookie <3

newborns and my love of them

So my best friend just had her second baby this morning. They are both healthy and doing well. The baby is absolutely beautiful, I have been filled up all day. I'm so proud of her for enduring another c-section and delivering another summer baby! I couldn't be more happy for her growing family. Adding a beautiful son, its just wonderful. Her little girl is gorgeous and is going to make such a wonderful big sister. So today I started thinking, I miss the newborn stage. For a fleeting moment I craved another one, then I looked at Ro and the moment abrubtly stopped. I came to a swift halt in my dream world. OMG I have a 6 month old and a 20 month old. I've been down this road before....except my MV was only 4 months old. I'm so happy for my friend, but I don't have the strength or emotional drive to add a third. Not at this point. Not with a 6 month old that makes me want to cry atleast twice a day. (always at some "sleep" point in the day) At this point, I actually made myself a cup of coffee and talked myself down from the ledge. I reasoned out all the pros and cons. There were a lot of cons, and the pro was 1 - newborn. So darling, so cute, so cuddly, but it only last for a few weeks. Then I remembered middle of the night feedings and the sleep deprivation and then I remembered my other 2 babies. Don't get me wrong, I live for my girls. They are fantastic little wonders, but Ro is trying. They said she was lactose intolerant, colic, teething....maybe she is just fussy. She is a pip, that's my take. She is a hooligan in training. Yup - she's got some personality I'll tell ya. She is already realizing how to command a room and get her way. I hate to say it, but she's me. She's a wild little one that's going to be bold and brazen and always be up to something. She's going to test every boundary and push the limits. Sorry Mom, I now know how you must have felt. <3

So today we had dinner at my parents. I handed MV some pulled pork and her staple dinner of mac n cheese. I thought I was slick rick and shoved a piece of corn in her mouth while I was pretending to feed her mac n cheese (although she feeds herself sometimes she lets us give her something off the big people fork) and in an instance she starting rapidly shaking her head no and pulled the corn out and immediately stared me down. How dare I try to feed her something healthy? She was infuriated and threw the corn onto the tray. She then glared at me for at least 3 minutes letting me know, as usual, that she was in charge of her dietary needs and that corn was NOT part of it. This is really frustrating as a parent. After she ate all her dinner, I gave her a chocolate chip cookie, a first I suppose as it was a regular cookie. She shoveled it in like she was starving, not at all concerned with the fact it was a new food. I am actually quite shocked at how smart she is. 20 months and the girl already knows chocolate is a girls best friend. It's quite amazing that she can immediately shun corn but gladly accept and enjoy chocolate.....

On a side note, at work today some dude comes in and asks about who cut his hair last time. He is sure it was on a Monday and the gave a vague description. I asked if it was a specific girl and his response was "no she's skinnier". I almost punched him in the face. The girl in question is probably the most fit girl I know. She's tall and thin and beautiful like a model. While the girl he was referring to is very thin and fit also, she's just tiny. My initial internal response was - I'm sorry Mr. GD Universe but that girl is not here today, but I used my PC/Work friendly response of - oh do you mean tinier and used my hand to symbolize stature??? Skinnier? WTF. Maybe its because I'm sensitive to weight issues, but this dude was FAT, UGLY and generally looked homeless. I seriously wanted to be like, I'm sorry most eligible bachelor ever, I'm sorry GQ Man of the Year?????? Ok, I'm still raging at that one. Skinnier. Yes, what gives a -1 (on the scale of 1-10) to judge skinny. If he was a 10, I'd still be outraged but less likely to want to punch him or blog about him, I'd probably just chalk it up to ignorance. That said, I'm not sure he had all of his front teeth.

And by the way, my fear of being out of the house by 8am is coming to fruition on Wednesday. MV has a audiologist appointment an hour away at 9am. Why did I make it for that time. Was it in my clouded early months post Ro's birth, when I could not add 2+2 no less book appointments properly? I'm shocked by my lack of judgement with making such an early appointment. I know better, what was I thinking? I'm already having an anxiety attack at the prospect of getting there on time. 2 pm is my earliest safe time. 9am is full blown crazy town. I can only compare it to going out drinking after work on Thursday until 5am then heading to work at 9am Friday when your 30. It's a lose/lose situation. Nothing nice about that.

the difference between Mommy and Daddy

In our house the difference between Mommy and Daddy is drastic. When Mommy talks no one listens, when Mommy yells and acts crazy, we still ignore. When Daddy calls out there names, they stop and cry, horrified by his voice, knowing what they did was unacceptable...yet he just states their names, in a very calm and easy manner. Not like their lunatic mother always yammering on about something, losing her mind randomly throughout the day. Today when my older daughter, MV, was opening the laptop and banging the keys like a lunatic, I simply asked her to stop, she glared at me and continued with more tenacity then before. Almost laughing at my lack of dominance. My husband simply called her name, she backed up and immediately started sobbing??? Of course MV ran to me for consoling, I'm assuming I'm not as scary as my husband. She already knows I hold zero authority, I'm a pushover and at 20 months she gets it. Bedtime tonight consisted of me putting the baby, Ro, down. To which, as per usual, she lost it. Full blown epic meltdown at the prospect of sleeping. Screaming, kicking and wailing, and I did it. I took her out and tried to console her too. MV watched me, she knew, she is a smart little girl. So obviously when I put her to bed a short time later, she flipped out crying and screaming. She knew I would give in, she knows I'm weak to their crying. Cue my Dad's arrival to go and take my husband to pick up my car. MV is once again in control of a 34 year old, and uses her control to take a ride with her grandpa. About 35 minutes later, she is blindly walking (perhaps stumbling at this point is more accurate) through the living room yawning and almost falling over - that when I do it, when I suggest night night. She immediately runs to the front door and tries to escape. Her father calmly picks her up and tells her to kiss me good night and BAM! She goes in her room and quietly falls asleep?!!??! What the heck. I swear if I had put her in there she would have flipped out. Goal for the coming months, to gain authority with 2 babies. I'm not talking about being mean or the disiplinarian, but perhaps securing my position as the Mom. :) Well at least I can thank my "baby whisperer" both MV and Ro are soundly sleeping like the angels I like to think they are.

Ro's teeth still have not cut, which is a devastating blow for me. I'd like to have a sit down with them. Enough already - come out of her gums. I can't take it anymore. You're killing me. Her disastrous behavior from you teeth, quite frankly is inhumane for her and those around her. Mark my words - they will be shark like teeth, I know it. I'm excited to take her for her 6 months check up Thursday too. I'm pretty sure she's a qualifier for the WNBA. She's gotta be in the 175% for height. At 6 months, she's about 4 inches shy in height of MV. She's huge, which is helping her grow into that big ole head :)

differences in the wee ones

I'm starting to notice the drastic difference in my daughters. My older daughter is extremely strong willed and independent, that said, she listens to me and follows directions so well. The peanut goes down for naps happily and rarely cries. My other daughter is the exact opposite, she is a happy little bean except for when it comes to napping or eating. She loses it. It's horrifying how loud and angry she gets. This morning she flew into a full blown rage, screaming at the top of her lungs because it was naptime. I honestly felt like I should bring her to the ER to find out what was wrong with her. (kids don't really scream like that right?) I feel like she acts as though she fell down a flight of stairs and knocked her teeth out, not the response I expect when I put her in the crib. It's absolute madness. Teething is also knocking me for a loop, I didn't know my first child had gotten a tooth until what may have been a few days later. No tears, no screams, just teeth. With #2, the neighbors must know she teething, the people in the next county probably hear her....and still no sign of these horrid, banshee scream inducing teeth. I'm afraid they will be fangs to bite me. I'm starting to panic that she is going to grow shark teeth to teach me a lesson about not spooning her food in fast enough. I'm worried she is going to use these vile painful blazing little teeth to show me exactly whats up. I pray everyday they just come in already so she can stop these insane screaming fits. With my luck these days, it may be weeks. Weeks of her darling little fits that can last up to an hour.

Today I decided we were going to have a family day out. Sounds like a dream, that said...I'm still home and blogging at 12:55. By the time we were getting it together, it was naptime. This happens more frequently then not. I wonder how moms of 2 babies get it together by 9am. Unless we have an urgent doctor appointment or really important thing to do, it doesn't happen here. I try, but its disastrous. I leave without my staples. I'm binky-less, sippycup-less, sunglasses-less, wallet-less - and that generally turns into one of us having said mini-meltdown. More often then not, I'm out the door by 3 or 4pm and we are ready and all set. Maybe its my lack of organization or generally craziness, I'm unsure. Atleast we get out at some point, I suppose I should rejoice in the fact we are showered and ready by 3 rather then not at all. I even managed to put myself and my older daughter in dresses. I feel like if we can leave the house by 2:15 - we should be looking like we're going to a cocktail party not just lunch and some stores. This is a huge feat for us, we should be looking our best. People may stare, but inside I'll know - this is a big day for us. It's 3 and we've been out and about for more then 30 minutes already and we look smashing. We're celebrating!!! (okay maybe its just me celebrating in my own head, but whatever)

reality as it slowly sets in

Reality is slowly setting in. I'm a Mom of 2 under 2. WTH Seriously it doesn't seem plausible that I have 2 children. It doesn't seem plausible mainly because since my 2nd child was born, I've been in a fog. Not sure if it was baby blues or general exhaustion, but whatever it was, I'm starting to feel more like myself. For awhile I am pretty sure I was operating on autopilot and almost viewing my own life in the 3rd person kind of stance. It sounds strange, but I definitely was strange for a bit. I'm finally starting to take control back and I think its benefiting all of us. I finally feel confident after 6 months to take both of the girls out together. Although one of us could have a minor meltdown at anypoint (myself included) I no longer feel as though ALL of US will most definitely have a full blown epic meltdown on every outing. The girls notice the confidence as well. We happily go out and about now and enjoy each others idiosyncrasies rather then judge them. Today I joyfully encouraged my toddler to sing her winy little whinge pot song because it made her happy and quite frankly my 6 month old seemed to revel in it to. (its more of a shout/cry/horrible moan then a song and I know people were kinda staring but whatever) One lady in Target seemed to be shocked that I was like - I love your song, its beautiful. I felt like telling her to piss off. Honestly lady take a good look at us, I'm letting a toddler remove socks and a bow out of a 6 months old hair, remove her own shoes and socks, my pants are falling off me, I have a baby clip in my hair and I'm covered in what might be the babies lunch.....do you really think I give a whole loada crap that you aren't enjoying my completely off-key toddler's song? I'm just happy I have pants on, my teeth are brushed and no one is full on screaming! Duh. Well today ma'am, I appreciated the simplicity. 3 girls enjoying Target sans any major meltdowns. :)

2 years and 2 under 2?

So just a short 3 years ago I was a singleton living in NYC, now I'm a wife and mother of 2 under 2 living in FL! (and yes its deathly hot here) I went from the fast world of investment banking, to cutting hair in a small town. I went from coach bags to clearance at Target. I went from a 1br to a house with a yard and a 2 car garage. I went from worrying about what I was going to wear out on Friday night to worrying about developmental delays in a toddler. I went from fancy Euro vacations to taking kids to the park. I went from a coupe to a wagon? (Yeah that happened) I went from Criminal Minds to Sesame Street. I went from me to us. And to be honest, I love it. It's hectic and insane, and I sometimes feel totally crazy and exhausted, but its all worth it. I have the most amazing husband and the 2 most beautiful little girls anyone could ask for.